Do You Need A Break From Life... Or Your Own Bullshit?

How "Users" and Their FOMO Shape Their Shitty Inner Climates And What Their Toxicity Can Teach Us All

Jul 02, 2026

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I’ve known people in my life who have travelled the world over and yet they’ve still had to come to terms with bringing themselves back with them.

They returned to the same patterns, the same addictions, the same attachment styles and the same, well, bullshit … just with a few extra stamps in the passport.

Now, I’m all for travel and I know it’s going to be a big feature of my own future. But, to me, there’s two kinds of travel:

One to discover the good and bad about yourself as you immerse yourself in other cultures and places of existence and,
the one where you’re escaping from your own life, sucking in the world around you like it’s energy you’re rightfully deserving of, bleeding out into it and simply placing an “Adventure Band-Aid” righhhtttt over the top.

Sure, sometimes we need a break, but a break from what, who and why? Isn’t answering that more useful to the self… and kinder on the credit card?

For me, what it can’t be is the idea that anything outside of myself will make me something I'm not already.

Stay with me, this rant isn’t about travel. It’s about the idea that anything external to ourselves can fill the holes within us enough. It won’t. Nothing will.

And I say that as someone who is totally obsessed in life… with their partner, their business, their home, their pets, nature, art, music…

These are each massive amounts of wealth for my soul.

But if I think they’ll help make me truly happy, safe, successful, seen… they won’t.

They’re pleasures of my life, not plasters for my soul.

This is part of the That Sacred Decay series called From Liminal to Intentional and explores transitions from unconscious life into deeper awakening.

PLEASE NOTE: This is what I call a “volcanic draft” and is a rawly published rant. This piece doesn’t aim to attack, offend or over-challenge anyone reading but instead offers the chance for us to reflect and debate together as I navigate these thoughts and theories. As always, let’s feel where these words take us. 🖤

The Pot, Bucket Or Pool Question…

We each have our own ways of trying to get external things in our lives to fill our cups. Even those that scream they don’t have one and instead claim enlightenment… still have enlightenment in a cup somewhere. 🫠

Everyone has a cup to fill. Some people have mini cups, like the ones you put ketchup in. Others have buckets. Some have swimming pools.

I want to say I’m not judging here, but I am. The ones with the wide AF swimming pools are the ones who suck the life out of you and then walk away, looking for the next person or thing to numb them, as they continue to drown themselves in their own shallow, chlorinated water.

They need to accumulate and prove themselves in order to ~~thrive~~ survive, no matter the cost to other people, nature, their own soul.

Think of Winnie Sanderson from Hocus Pocus and her sucking the vitality out of kids. It’s a never-ending life collection of who they need to be next, what they need to do next, what they need to buy next… and who they need to use next.

Next, next, next.

These people do realise that time doesn’t exist, right?

There is no next.

Just who you are.

And some are simply shallow little sunflowers with dirty, rotten roots.

Avoid The A-Trains

These types of people got me thinking and it’s how this article came about. They made me consider their drivers, their pressures, even any positive impact this behaviour may have… (there is none, by the way - I’d rather be mentally ill living in a caravan in the woods than use anyone in my life to try to fill my unhappiness within myself).

It brought me to think about time.

Time is a massive killer of joy - and this is often what brings out this “using” in people.

“Users” (their behaviour often a byproduct of never being good enough for mum, dad or inferior to siblings or others) are often siphons of others’. You can spot them as those who never sit still in their own peace, always getting FOMO, counter whatever you say with something bigger in everyday conversation (for better or worse) and have their heads in the sand when they’re called out on anything.

They often feel inferior, even claiming to be imperfect as their very own brand, just so they can call themselves out on it first as a way of feeling ironically superior. SMH.

They constantly need to break up with a life they’ve built to try to build a new relationship with themselves via yet another world around them.

A User’s work is never done.

They are so indecisive. They cannot choose one thing out of fear of missing (using) the other. Rice or noodles one day. Partner or affair, the other.

Their cookie is always crumbling. 🍪

Even when surrounded by Yes People, they itch and scratch, knowing that something isn’t complete or, more likely, enough; their swimming pool-sized holes get even bigger, the more they don’t fix the leaks - drowning those around them instead of themselves, holding others’ heads under as they pivot and leverage for more.

Have you seen the TV show, The Boys? When A-Train has the power of speed and runs down people in his way just to get where he thinks he needs to be? That’s what a User feels like.

Every. Fucking. Time.

This inferiority triggers big-time avoidance with an impending future full of never being enough. It is the rash that never seems to go away, no matter how many ointments and salves they steal from others.

But time is scratching the door for us all.

And Users are a good reminder of how we can best support our own path, without taking the world and others down with us.

We can continue to learn from them and keep blending our own balms from the bane of them.

So let’s learn from these people as we move on, leaving their bullshit with them… ✌🏻

Staycation or Stay-the-same-cation?

Society teaches us that we are complete by what we accomplish, rather than who we simply are.

Much of the West is built around time (the working week) rather than the relationship with yourself and other beings existing in your orbit (nature, the moon, people etc.).

Once we realise how fucked up that is, we could change it all.

We could, but most probably won’t.

Most continue the Western way here because we must have the mortgage, the car, the marriage and the kids. And anything other than those is social suicide. But all of that tempts us to escape now and then, rather than engineer a life around our soul, not society.

Once we return from travel, time away, holidays, breaks, R&R… we still return within our own bullshit, rather than realising that time away needs to forge a plan of how to bring that inner-learning back with us.

Not just selfies, sunburn and more self-denial.

But instead, rebellion, freedom-fighting, expectation binning and pressure executions - and zero “using”.

How much more bang-for-our-buck would we get for each holiday if we all came back a teeny more evolved, healed, focused?

But, no, how often do we hear the remark,"Back to work on Monday!” 🫠

Finding Our Your Freedom

We’re slowly moving more and more towards new generations that are questioning if society’s structures are what we inherently need, rather than just believing it because it’s what leaders have “said so”. And I’m all for it. It’s about goddamned time.

The Gregorian calendar, the 9-5, the 2.4 kids, the monogamy… all being radically re-thought, re-considered and re-designed… let’s fucking do thiiiis.

Our schedules are breaking us, and if we’re not careful, AI will be taking the work that kept us connected to God, source, existence and spirit, leaving us as shells in front of nothing but bigger screens and even more sugar.

Tech is not only stripping the animal from us but the human now, too. And it’s getting harder to spot those that are radiating warmth around us vs. those that are flames, sucking our energy dry.

A.k.a. the Users. We scroll past them every day.

Those with Insta-style lives are still just burning and consuming one way or another. Like an endless loop of life-style, not life-living. Like a human centipede of need. Even those buying and promoting “eco” and “ethical” are still selling something. It’s still consumption, people.

I knew someone once who had an epic opportunity to make their adventure have a slightly charitable edge and they turned it down before even thinking twice about it. I bet they wouldn’t put that admission on their Reels.

Social media teaches us that the problem is everything but ourselves.

That is the lie. The trap.

And we fall for it without even asking for the receipt.

How To Learn From “Users”

THEORY: External expansion is not the liberation or meaning of life, unless it is matched by the internal reckoning and alchemy work of our trauma, patterns and relational reflection.

Essentially, I’m saying, let’s all do the fucking work, people. Not bitch about why we can’t find happiness in the people, places and productivity we’re sucking dry.

We have to shed in order to reveal.

Real freedom costs you the identities, systems and comforts that once kept you safe. It demands of us to consciously decide how the ways in which we operate impacts everything, not just our own bucket list.

To truly find ourselves, feel peace, even find a sort of completion… requires only one thing from our external life: other people.

They. Are. Our. Mirrors.

Because if there is no “other” than us, then there is no self, either.

It’s all good getting the Guinness World Record for most pies eaten in an hour but if there’s no one chewing with you, the certificate is kinda pointless. If you believe your achievements alone are what matter, without reflection in others, then you’re truly avoidant and misguided, dare I say naive too.

Existence doesn’t work that way.

And so, in that case, it’s how we behave, love, hate, abuse and use that builds expansion and experience, not the pie eating contest of life… despite them being tasty.

What Makes A Good Person?

Your soul is revealed not just in how you share a sweet with someone on a park bench, help someone get on the bus or putting a quid into a charity box… it’s how you operate with those closest to you.

Day in, day out. Good, bad. Rough, smooth.

It’s the depths of the connections that matter. Building, breaking. Rupturing, repairing. Tinkering and tweaking with fellow humans to see how we all best fit.

Those are the journeys and reflections that shrink the swimming pools to buckets and the buckets to ketchup pots.

Not constant AI confirmations, progress trackers, phone apps or mothers that think the sun shines out of your arse no matter your behaviour… dare I even say, not even more books (dammit).

Drinking the latest mushroom coffee trend in the hopes that it’ll bring more cognitive focus to get through an eight-hour work day, two kids and a husband who doesn’t appreciate the mental load is pointless if you’re funnelling back bottles of wine on a Friday and gossiping your marital resentment to numb and soothe it all.
Buying the latest festival summer dress and sex toy in the hopes it’ll bring more inner-connection, to get you through a life of zero responsibilities, a million yes-mates, fucking older men with your Daddy issues and numbing your cheating guilt also isn’t going to get it done.

We’re taught that investing money in these tiny cogs, small levers and mini dials are enough to level up, be happier and, hell, become a better human… they are not.

Sure, there’s incremental growth and atomic habits to better yourself and stop harming or negatively impacting others… I’m all for those (they’re usually free)… but ChatGPT constantly confirming your shitty life, shitty values and shittier identity isn’t going to get you there.

Turning Down The Volume, Turning Up The Bass

Everything you do, every day, is adding noise to your life; to allow it to feel lived enough, whether it be good or bad.

👆🏻 Read that back. Zero shame here. Please read it back and mull it over.

We accept the life we live.

Essentially, every part of our life is to avoid our ego’s fear of death. That’s normal. The self wants to survive. Otherwise, our evolved brains would just be doing nothing all day. We need purpose, safety and acceptance now that we have consciousness.

This ego fear can be of literal death or, more likely, the idea that you’re “not living”.

The latter concept of “not living enough” has been molested, assaulted and raped into a concept which looks like it’s there to help =

provide (work)
get life done (be productive)
gather resources (buy, buy, buy)
produce (spawn, spawn, spawn)

…and that is supposed to equal you living your “best” life and not dying.

How many people show off how busy they are like it’s a merit badge? Every time I hear it, I’m just 🫠

That’s. Not. Necessarily. Living!

We’re resource mad, stress addicted and self-aware shy.

This also includes those who collect people as well as to-do lists. The ones with toxic attachment styles, churning through humanity like it’s a line to snort up and shit out.

We believe that accumulation breeds a life well lived. It doesn’t. Creation, expansion and adaptation do. That’s evolution.

We wouldn’t even be here if we hadn’t evolved. What, do you think we’ve now just stopped evolving? Please.

She’s Just A Bitter Woman

I know you could be sat there thinking that this is all very pessimistic and, sure, from a woman who isn’t married, with no kids, soon to be out of their mortgage forever and been heavily used by people, you could think that.

That’s fine with me.

But seeing a different angle or someone else’s truth is rarely comfortable, but at least it’s an opportunity to ponder. 🤷🏼‍♀️

There is this idyllic image in every human’s head of how their life should be going… and, ironically, it’s killing us as we live. It’s removing us from actually existing. And for a lot of people, it’s making them toxic as shit to be around.

We must each examine that. Regularly and thoroughly.

Don’t wait for a mid-life crisis and then wonder why it’s broken you.
Don’t wait for someone to manipulate, use and abuse you and then wonder why this keeps happening.
Don’t wait for them to leave, when the expiration date was already well past due but you just didn’t want to hurt or abandon them.
Don’t wait to find people, jobs and situations that are better because you feel guilty about realignment for your own self.

Let’s redesign our lives and let’s design some people OUT of it too.

What Labels We Lose…

How often I hear this statement, “oh I just want to live alone in a little witchy cottage in the middle of the woods with my cat and books and the world can leave me alone.”

🫠

Go. On. Then.

Think about how many of life’s labels you’d have to sacrifice for that.

Most of the witchy people I know aren’t even out of the magical closet, let alone inviting their loved ones around to the housewarming in Live Alone Woods.

The life you say you want will cost you the life you’re still using to prove who you are.

In order to become anything you have to lose a few opposites somewhere. Rarely can you retain it all.

And that’s why so many people are reluctant. And why soooooo many people hang on every word that comes from Insta influencers. They watch alternative lifestyles and yearn for it. Yet they deep down know the cost of losing the opposites and fall short.

Every time.

I’ll give you some examples:

In order to have that life in the cabin in the woods, you may have to lose the two-up-two-down mortgaged house in the town
In order to have a kid-free lifestyle, you have to lose the idea of feeling fulfilled by them, birthing them, mothering them
In order to find truer family, you have to see the toxicity at home and choose to walk away from it
In order to have a life surrounded by quality friends, you have to lose the losers who are as deep as their emotional pockets
In order to have self-awareness, you have to lose the blindness
In order to heal, you have to accept the wound

Alternative life that centres around real connection; to yourself, to people and to the earth, comes at a high cost.

And often, you have to lose stuff first, before you can gain anything else.

Including huge parts of yourself.

What’s Your Own Story?

Now, I’m not saying everyone wants a different lifestyle. Some benefit from it. Some don’t. Either way, good for them.

But I think most of us are kidding ourselves somewhere, even if just a tad.

I’d wager that most people want a few alternatives in life, somewhere.

Because to truly benefit from this system we’re in, in every single way, we’d have to go to sleep happily knowing that we’re stepping on others in order to truly thrive in it… and who wants that? Who wants to be a sheep that takes advantage of the world’s resources in every way?

We need to decide on the right attitude here…

It’s not about the attitude of, “kids are a nightmare, but they’re worth it” kind of blanket-denial statements… it’s about saying “how much of my life do I need to tell the story of who I am?”

👆🏻 Who would want to honestly answer something like that?

Not many.

But the world would probably be a paradise, if we did.

Deluded And Fake Happy (1 - 0) Stripped Back And Honest

We’re all stuck somewhere.

I’m not sitting at the top of Look At Perfect Me Mountain and pointing fingers at all the minions “beneath” me. Far from it.

I think the point I’m trying to make is, often our bullshit and our stuckness is not admitting where a life we don’t want takes up too much room for the newer, better, richer, more joyful life we need to enter.

And this “less bullshit life” actually doesn’t need the same amount of space - the joy and peace does.

Because less bullshit, labels, pressures, traditions and expectations actually gives you time and space back. You know, that slower life that everyone has all the side hustles for.

Stripping away your own bullshit helps to build your capacity for legitimate awe, grace, gratitude and, hell, just time to fucking breathe!

But all of this paradise sits on the other side of your own honesty, your own bullshit, toxicity, patterns and wounds.

Rarely are many getting to it.

Use The Time We Have, Not Each Other

I’m sorry if this volcanic draft was heavy and if you’re still here, I tip my hat to you.

If you’re in a pattern of attracting a lot of users (like I was), then I’m sorry for that and there’s still much work to be done to understand why that is and what labels need to be ripped away for humans that actually give a shit about humanity.

If you got to the end and refuse to believe you’ve ever used anyone, I’d invite you to think more on that too. It doesn’t make us evil but it does invite change.

This article seeks to offer a closing question to those impacted by Users and those who are at risk of not knowing who they are without the labels that are limiting them:

If you’re not the Good Girl, the People Pleaser, the Rescuer, the Perfect Wife or the Devouring Mother… then who and what are you left with?

I can answer it for you, if you like…

You.

Just entirely and wholly YOU.

A quiet echo of a soul just trying to connect with you.

No labels, no markers in time… just gorgeous you.

We’re taught to fear this so much and yet it’s miraculously where “home” is. No products, services, profits, features or benefits…

Life is about walking home.

And fully knowing who fills the shoes that carry you… is the only label you need to guide you there.

Lilith x

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